The 5 Stages of Writer's Block

The 5 Stages of Writer's Block

1. I'M JUST GOING TO POWER THROUGH IT. 

Your initial gut reaction is complete and total denial that what you are writing is complete crap. (Yes, I used complete twice in my first sentence. This is a blog about writer's block. This sort of thing should be expected!) Instead, you keep rereading what you've written and think, "This isn't too bad." But in the end, it's the same as the time your Aunt Ethel dropped the bowl of banana pudding on the floor at the family reunion. For a brief moment everyone insists the desert can be saved, but soon it's realized that every piece of nastiness sticks to pudding. Sadly, you stare at your empty spoon while yumminess, mixed with pieces of hair and dirt, is scraped into the trashcan. (And secretly you are really pissed at Aunt Ethel. Forget the fact that she just had a hip replaced. The bitty shouldn't have taken on such a task of carrying the only dessert if she wasn't up for it.)

2. MAYBE SOME MUSIC WILL HELP

Music helps everything, right? So, let's listen to some tunes. You turn on Pandora or Spotify or whatever you think will help, and for the love of all that's sacred, it must be something mellow. After all, you are serious about your writing. You don't want to overpower the thoughts in your head that are surely coming. Does this help? Absolutely not. Instead, you get bored with your crunchy music and soon find yourself dancing around the room to "Check On It" by Beyoncé. Inevitably it happens; you see your reflection in a mirror and come to the sobering reality that shakin' your money maker isn't as awesome as it used to be. You can't figure out if you just can't move the same anymore or that it's just not pretty to see a 38 year old twerk. You call your best friend from college to ask her opinion and you make plans to go dancing to prove you've still got it.


3. I NEED TO EAT

Diets and healthy eating habits are going to suffer in this stage. It's pretty obvious. When you can't write, stuff your face with Devil Dogs and Ho Hos. In fact, you may want to make some homemade vanilla ice cream and then use that new fudge sauce recipe you found last week. It's yummy. You scarf it down, but after dancing so much your stomach really wasn't ready for that amount of sugar. You feel a little sick. Maybe you should lie down for a while until the queasy feeling subsides. As you lie there, you don't brainstorm because that would actually be productive. Instead, you contemplate really important things like the phrase "People lie down; chickens lay eggs." Or the fact that it annoys you to say "I am nauseated" when all you really want to say is "I am nauseous."


4. I THINK NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO SLEEP

Somewhere in between nauseated and getting upset at your "not so firm grasp" on effect vs affect, your eyelids get heavy and you decide a quick cat nap is a perfect idea. Before you know it you are...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

5. SECOND ATTEMPT - SAY A PRAYER AND TRY AGAIN!

You wake up with the strength needed to try this again. After reading something you've previously written that didn't all together suck (in hopes of regaining some confidence in yourself) you will begin step 5. You have covered all forms of procrastination and hopefully somewhere along the way, the writing gods have smiled upon you, cleared your mind and a muse has been discovered. You sit down in front of your screen and start pounding on the keys, all the while praying you're going to get it out this time....because you are so sick of it rolling around in that head of yours and SO terrified the cycle will start again.

I am so sick of it rolling around in this head of mine!!!