Just Like Linus: Sitting in a Pumpkin Patch and Waiting for Something That's Not Coming

Last week when I posted my blog, I mentioned I wasn't ready to talk about my day. Well, that turned into not wanting to talk about my week. But as promised, I'm talking about everything on here, so...let's talk about last week. Bear with me though, this is very raw and it won't be the most eloquently thing I've written. I just need to get this out because I am closing the door on the past seven maddening days feeling a bit punch drunk.

Last week, in the span of 48 hours, these two things happened. One: I was accused of being a crazy stalker by my ex-husband and his girlfriend. And Two: I had my first fender bender. Ugh. When it rains, it pours. I wonder which topic you guys would like to hear about first. Fender bender? No? Girlfriend? Yeah. Our marriage is only over by two weeks and there's a girlfriend. Well, she was in the picture before the divorce was finalized, but I'm certain anyone with a brain can figure that out. But, I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah...stalker. I spent four hours Wednesday trying to prove I hadn't done something I had rudely been accused of doing. There were many text messages, emails, screen shots, and phone calls to Verizon wireless. After a ridiculously long battle, I cleared my name and all parties went to their perspective corners. But I limped to mine. I've never been accused of something like that before and having it come from someone who has known me for fifteen years was infuriating. It left me shell-shocked and I could barely sleep that night. Thursday morning on the way to work,  I plowed right into someone at an intersection. My week was complete. The first day I had been innocent and labeled guilty and the next day I was just guilty. Halloween is one of my absolute favorite holidays, but this year it's starting to seem like a bit of a nightmare than spooky fun. I've talked about "comfort movies" before. Last week, I needed some Charlie Brown.

I love It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. We watch it every year, without fail. It's a classic; I own the box set. But there is one thing with Linus that has always stressed me out. He missed all the fun while waiting for something that never came. As a child, it caused

such anxiety as I watched Lucy collect candy for her "blockhead brother." I wondered if she was really going to give it to him or if his entire night would be a complete waste. Even Sally bailed in an angry tirade after realizing she had missed out on her Halloween fun. Bless his heart. I just felt so sorry for him. Sitting patiently, hoping he had picked the sincerest pumpkin patch. Hoping that all his efforts were going to pay off and he would be rewarded with good things. And the worst part was that he never realized he was wasting his time. In his mind, there was nowhere else he wanted to be.


I'm in the process of trying to figure out exactly where I want to be. I've really struggled with anger over the events of last week. I'm still angry about them even as I type this. It only confirmed what I have feared for quite awhile: time has been wasted. I've felt very defeated with thoughts that I wasted a lot of time, stuck in my own pumpkin patch waiting for something that wasn't coming. It's left me frustrated with myself for not seeing this years ago. No one likes to feel like that. Realizing you've wasted your time is one of the hardest feelings to reconcile. It dashes your hopes and if you aren't careful, it can build some serious bitterness. Everyone has moments of feeling like they've spent a lot of time spinning their wheels, whether it's a job that's not a passion, a friendship that wasn't healthy or a marriage that met a demise after years of struggle. And sometimes, even after we've left that pumpkin patch, we find ourselves moved into another one that's not much better and it's scary to think about camping out in it too long.


I woke up the other day and realized I have moved into another little patch of earth, surrounded by orange, winter squash. What I'm waiting for is a bit unclear. Despite what my heart wants to do, I'm struggling to move on, but I know staying angry isn't doing me any good and I'm done letting someone else delegate my emotions. Done. So, until I can conquer this, I have to remember Linus. Even though he spent his night sitting in the cold with a somewhat hostile Sally, he refused to change his perspective. He kept his focus and refused to see it as wasted time. Instead, he chose to focus on what he was learning in the moment. His faith never faltered. Grant it, his faith was in a big, floating pumpkin that passed out gifts; nonetheless, he had faith. So do I. I must cling to what I know is true and He is someone much bigger than me. Someone who wants good things for me. I must have faith that my wasted time wasn't truly wasted. And after I get the wind knocked out of me, I have to remember to be more like Linus and focus on the good. Focus on the positive. Focus on the gifts I have received from my sweet Savior without even having to sit in a pumpkin patch all night to prove myself. I don't have to be the most sincere. I don't have to be the best. He wants good things for me even when I'm knee deep in tissues from crying tears of rage. He loves me despite finding myself in the wrong patch. And last, but certainly not least, if I find myself sitting in that wrong pumpkin patch,  I am blessed to have a family that won't let me sit in it for too long without coming to pull me out. May we all be this blessed.



So enjoy your Halloween, my fellow Charlie Brown lovers. Sit in the right pumpkin patch and hope for the good things that are coming.